


Self conscious

by caffeinatedgay



Category: Chilling Adventures of Sabrina (TV 2018)
Genre: Angst, F/F, Hilda Spellman Needs A Hug, Hurt/Comfort, Self-Esteem Issues, Sisters
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-02
Updated: 2020-05-02
Packaged: 2021-03-01 16:48:29
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,415
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23970319
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/caffeinatedgay/pseuds/caffeinatedgay
Summary: Every night on the 16 th of August, Hilda Spellman would disappear off the face of the Earth, that is, until Zelda finds out why.can be read as sisterly love or romantic love, depends on youTW: low self-esteem
Relationships: Hilda Spellman & Zelda Spellman, Hilda Spellman/Zelda Spellman
Comments: 10
Kudos: 34





	Self conscious

Hilda Spellman always felt self conscious when she was around her sister. Zelda always wore revealing clothing confidently, Hilda never did. She hid herself behind wide dresses and stocking and big cardigans. She hated seeing how Zelda easily attracted men and women with her looks and self confidence. Hilda yearned to know the feeling of being wanted and desired again, and she blamed her sister for taking those away from her, well she did in the beginning at least.

The blonde witch remembers when they were much younger and she'd brought a girl home. The young witch claimed to have loved Hilda, but all seemed to have been forgotten when she saw Zelda. Hilda remembers walking into her room and finding her sister and so-called girlfriend locking lips. She stormed out and never heard from her again. It happened eight more times after that. With girls and boys. Many many years later, she'd brought a young man home. She was sure he was the one for her. Her family seemed to approve of the handsome warlock too. His charming personality even won over her father. Turns out, he was a bit too charming. So much so that he ended up kissing Zelda. This time, Hilda didn't blame her sister. She blamed herself. She blamed herself for being foolish enough to believe he wouldn't leave her for her gorgeous older sister. She blamed herself for not being good enough or pretty enough or skinny enough or simply just not enough. She blamed herself.

Every year on August 16th, Hilda wouldn't get out of bed. She'd scream into her pillow and cry and remain in an endless pit of sorrow and despair. This would go on for three days and by the 19th, she'd be back to her usually giddy, happy, bubbly self. No one seemed to notice though, that is, until Sabrina first mentioned her Aunt's absence on that particular date. Zelda waved it off as nothing and Ambrose said something about witches getting sick once every year for no particular reason.

It was August 15th that year. Ambrose was in the basement surrounded by several bodies that needed to be looked at, Sabrina was at a friend's house for a sleep over and Zelda was smoking on the porch. Usually Zelda would find her sister reading romance novels or knitting in the front room or asking if anyone wanted some tea. Hilda was nowhere to be seen that night. When she finished her nightly routine and finally walked into their shared room, Zelda noticed her sister was already in bed, small whimpers leaving her lips. She rolled her eyes.

"Hildeguard, if you do not stop crying because of ridiculous mortal love stories, I'll have you spend the night in the cain pit."

Hilda sniffled from beneath the blankets and hiccupped. She tried apologising but all that came out was a incoherent mumbling. Zelda stomped over to her sisters bed to scold at her but irritation was soon replaced by confusion then some heavy feeling in Zelda's chest. There was no mortal romance novel being read by Hilda, just Hilda curled up into a ball. Zelda pulled the blanket from her sister to see what was happening.

"Please Zelds, leave me be," came the small response.  
Hilda pulled the blanket over hear head again and Zelda reluctantly went to bed. 

Later that night Zelda was awoken from her slumber by sobbing. Hilda cupped a hand over her mouth when she realised she'd awoken her sister. She had forgotten to place a silencing spell on her side of the room. Zelda threw the covers off her body and stomped over to her sister. Her heart sunk to her stomach at the sight. Hilda was utterly broken, sitting beside her bed with her head in her hands, sobbing as her whole body shook. The redhead dropped to her knees and held her baby sister. She'd never seen Hilda like that before. Hilda sobbed into her older sister's arms. 

When the blonde witch finally stopped crying, Zelda gently led her sister to the bathroom. She filled the tub and dropped in her sister's favorite scented oils and bubble bath. She tugged at the hem of Hilda's nightgown to dispose of it but the blonde shook her head. 

"For the love of Satan, Hildeguard let me undess you." Hilda shook her head again. Tears threatened to fall from her puffy eyes. Zelda frowned.

"Do you want me to turn around?" Hilda nodded.

Zelda turned around and allowed her sister some privacy. She didn't know why Hilda was suddenly being so shy. Zelda had seen her naked countless times when they were younger. When they were younger... Not now, not while they lived in this household again. She realised that her sister was always fully clothed, hiding her body. She heard her sister climb into the bath and sigh shakily. Zelda slowly turned around. Hilda felt her sister's gaze and sunk further into the water. All that could be seen were the tops of Hilda's shoulders and her pretty blonde curls. Zelda sat down beside the tub. 

"What's happened Hildy?"

Zelda hadn't called her that in ages. Hilda started crying again. The redhead witch sighed and asked if she could help wash her sister. Another head shake. Zelda wondered off into the study and pulled out a book she last read decades ago. It was one of Hilda's favorite poetry books. She returned with the book in hand and a fluffy white towel which was placed on the hook behind the door. She took her place on a stool beside the tub and started reading. Hilda smiled at the thoughtful gesture. Zelda truly could be caring when she wanted to.

Every very time the water would cool down, Zelda would pause the reading and mumble a heating spell to keep her sister comfortable. Hilda felt a bit better after Zelda finished the thin book. She asked if she could wash her sister and again, Hilda shook her head no. Zelda nodded and stood up to fetch Hilda's gown, pajamas and clean underwear. She left everything on the stool she had once occupied and stepped out of the bathroom, gently asking that Hilda get dressed.

Zelda made her sister a nice cup of tea and hesitantly took a few cookies out of her secret stash. Hilda didn't each much at dinner. She placed everything on a sliver tray and carried it to the room where she found her sister lying in bed again. She placed the tray on the bedside table and sat down bedside the blonde. With gentle words, she coaxed her into sitting up and drinking some tea. Hilda refused the cookies with a small 'no'. Zelda knew something was wrong. Hilda never refused cookies. Not even when she was sick. How had she never noticed this before? Now that she thought about it, every year around that time, Hilda seemed to disappear. 

"I'm sorry..." Hilda whispered as she started crying again. 

"Whatever are you sorry for?" 

"Existing."

"Hilda what on earth are you talking about? What's happened? Who hurt you, sister?"

Hilda shook her head again. "Hilda... was it me?" Zelda asked with the smallest voice.

Hilda started crying harder. She didn't know how to answer. She didn't blame Zelda anymore, she blamed herself. Zelda felt guilty. She knew it was her fault this time. She'd been so cruel to her sister ever since she was born. Zelda was crying now too. She broke her sister. She broke her. She's the cause of her sister's pains. She didn't know how she'd ever make it up to her. How had she not seen it? Her sister never looked in the mirror for too long. She never wore tight clothes. She never even wore sleeves tops. Her skirts were always over her knees and she always wore stocking. She was the cause of her sister's bad self-esteem. It probably started when they were little and-

"You always brought them on the 16th. Every lover you felt worthy of. You brought them to meet us on the same date... and every time I'd... Satan I'm sorry Hilda..."

Hilda began sobbing again. This time, Zelda knew why. Her childish actions caused this. She vowed to build her sister back up again, no matter what it cost.

Hildeguard Antoinette Spellman spent over enough time hating herself. It was time she started loving herself and Zelda would stop at nothing to ensure that she did.

**Author's Note:**

> soooo I'm super nervous about posting this but well here we are...
> 
> leave a comment and tell me what you think?


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